


The Fuck is this Shit?  (working title)

by rufftherian



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Adult Content, Alcohol, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Explicit Language, Fluff, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Oral Sex, Other, Sexy Times, Skeletons, Smut, bone play, did i say smut?, more tags as the story continues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-06-09 04:45:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6890722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rufftherian/pseuds/rufftherian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charlie is a regular guy.  Sort of.  He drinks, he lives alone, has a few jobs, the fuck does it matter what he does?<br/>Monsters get their freedom and everything's hunky dory... right?<br/>Fuck no, humans are ASSHOLES.<br/>That being said, it's no surprise when you, Charlie, come across a beat down skeleton on your way home from work.  Of course you save his ass, and even take him home for a few drinks.<br/>But, as you find your friendship (with benefits) growing stronger, you start to wonder if you may have made a mistake in all this...<br/>Fuck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fucking Punks...

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing smut, second time writing an Undertale AU.  
> Comments and critiques are greatly appreciated and cherished.
> 
> Fuck, I'ma burn for this....
> 
> Enjoy.

Chapter 1

 

The air smelled of liquor and stale cigarettes. In your hand was a small glass tumbler, half filled with a dark amber liquid.  
Whiskey.  
Sure, it was only 3 in the afternoon, but it was also a Friday. So, who fucking cared, right?  
Right.

A fairly decent looking guy in his late 20’s, with shoulder length dark hair and a thin, but well-toned body, most people would assume that you dated a lot. Most people would be wrong. Not that you weren’t interested in dating… But, you weren’t interested in dating anyone you had met yet. You had lived in this dull as fuck city for, what… 15 years now? And almost everyone you had encountered were boring, self-centered, close-minded, materialistic, pieces of shit. Or at least, that’s how you saw them.  
You sighed and took another sip of your drink and glanced up at the little tv above the bar. It was on some news channel, the anchor discussing some meaningless thing that had happened sometime, somewhere.  
Suddenly, the man on tv paused, putting a hand to the earpiece he wore. His eyes grew wide and he turned to someone off screen, putting a palm over his mic. You watched with renewed interest. Something had his panties in a bunch.  
He turned back to the camera and coughed, before continuing. 

“This just in, folks: Monsters have emerged from the base of Mt. Ebott. I repeat, MONSTERS have emerged from the base of Mt. Ebott. This is not a hoax. Apparently, the stories we all believed to be fairy tales were actually true. More on this story as it progresses.”

You stared at the screen for a moment, then looked at your glass. You weren’t drunk enough to imagine it. You downed the rest and ordered another. Might as well drink till you forget it, heh.  
As you waited, you caught snippets of conversation from the other patrons of the bar. Some seemed excited about the monsters’ appearance, but unsurprisingly, most were angry, even hostile. Complaints about the monsters returning to whence they came were already echoing back and forth in the room behind you.  
You received your glass and nodded at the bartender, Peter, to go ahead and ready a third. He shrugged and grabbed the bottle to have it ready to refill your glass. Guess he didn’t want to dirty another cup.  
Peter had been pretty much your only friend and confidant for the past 4 years now. He was average height, average build, tawny brown average haircut, and blue eyed. He didn’t talk much, but when he did, people tended to listen. Not that he was loud… the opposite in fact. You really had to be paying attention to hear him.

You lifted the glass to your lips, pausing a moment, an idea forming in your mind. You turned on your stool, a wide toothy grin plastered on your face and raised your glass high.

“A toast, to all those fucking Monsters finally achieving their fucking freedom! To Monsters!”

You downed your glass, keeping one eye on the room. As expected, you had everyone’s attention. Some stared, most glared. You didn’t care. You turned back to the bar with a dark laugh and handed your glass to the man. He refilled it and handed it back with a shake of his head.

“Charlie, you’re gonna get your ass beat one of these days, you know that…”

You shrug and knock back the third drink with that same grin. 

“Don’tcha mean I’ma get my GLASS beat? Heh,” you say with a wink, handing him your empty tumbler.  
“Heh heh… ‘sides, Peterrrrrr… E’ybody here knows not to mess wif ole Charrrrrrles… “

He stares at you a moment in silence, then shrugs and hands you your fourth drink. He starts wiping down the bar and you sigh inwardly as you look at your drink. You should slow down or Pete here’s gonna end up driving you home again. You decide that four is the right number of drinks to call it a day, so you down it and wave at the barkeeper to get his attention.

“Hey, Pete, put it on my tab, alright? I’ma call it quits before I gotta call a cab. TAXI easy, bud.”

He rolls his eyes at you and goes back to wiping. You plaster a wide grin on your face and stuff your hands into the pockets of your black parka, before heading out the door.

\--- 

It had been a few months since the Monsters had surfaced and people… no, HUMANS were, not surprisingly, being total dicks about it. Sure, some were understanding, even accepting, but for the most part, humans were racist as fuck… speciesist as fuck? Whatever.  
Monsters had filtered slowly into the city, since it was the closest one to Mt. Ebott. Most of them, you had heard on the news, decided to stay in the mountain until things settled down more, but you didn’t really see that happening anytime soon. Not that you were pessimistic, you just saw how humans really were. Humans didn’t like things that were different. And anything that was new scared the fuck out of them. And anything that scared them had to be evil.  
Stupid sheeple.

You lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling fan, slowly oscillating. It did little to cool the room, but at least the air wasn’t stagnant and still. You glanced over at the clock and groaned. Damned clock. Jealous bitch was always trying to come between you and your precious bed. You sat up, mentally apologizing to your soft, cozy comforter and pillow, and dragged yourself out of bed and into the bathroom. After a quick shower and shave, you brushed your dark mane and pulled it back with a hair tie. You dressed quickly in a charcoal grey suit and black tie, and threw on your black combat boots. Sure, they weren’t exactly business attire, but with your perfectly pressed pants legs covering them, people didn’t even notice.

You cracked your knuckles as you headed to your small kitchen to grab some breakfast. Wolfing down a bagel with cream cheese and downing some black coffee, you looked over at the small window across the room. It was the only window in your miserable apartment. The sun was already starting to shine through the dusty glass, leaving a small patch of sunlight on your living room floor.  
At least it wasn’t raining again.  
Grabbing your phone and keys, and pocketing your wallet and switchblade, you headed out into the world, pausing to lock the door behind you. 

Another day in paradise, you scoffed.

\--- 

The glass door whooshed open and you stepped out into the fresh air… well, as fresh as city air can be anyway. The sun was setting, you noticed, scowling at the sky. Damned CEOs with their damned paperwork making you stay over three extra fucking hours... You stuffed your hands into the pockets of your oversized black hoodie. You always kept a change of clothes at work for evenings such as this one. No way you were walking home in the dark in a damned business suit. That would just be begging to get jumped. Not that you couldn’t handle yourself in a fight, but suits weren’t cheap. No sense in getting it ripped.  
You pulled the hood up and began walking home, your black and red basketball shorts making a faint whoosh sound as you walked.  
About ten minutes from your apartment, you heard voices coming from an alley to your left. A large white van was backed up to the entrance, blocking your view of what was going on. You paused a moment, listening, but continued on upon hearing what sounded like teenage boys arguing.

“Come on, man! Let me….”  
“No… my turn… it…”  
“Dude, just let me…”  
“No way… last time!”

You rolled your eyes.

“…gonna…. my turn… dust him!”

You froze. You had heard that phrase enough to know exactly what was going on. They had some poor monster cornered in that alley. You growled in disgust, turning and heading over quickly and quietly. Anti-monster groups had learned that when you kill a monster, they simply dissolve into dust, leaving no body behind to alert authorities. It made monster killing a popular sport amongst gangs and such. It disgusted you.

You rounded the side of the van to see three punks with bats. A small skeleton monster in a blue hoodie was crouched, his back to the wall. He was breathing heavily, sweat beading his skull. Instead of eyeballs, he seemed to have a small glowing orb in each socket. They were currently darting back and forth as if searching for some way out. The punks were closing in, laughing darkly.

“I got a question for you punks…”

They turned in surprise at the sound of your voice. You were leaning casually against the other wall, hands in your hoodie pockets, eyes closed for dramatic effect. 

“Do you think even the worst people can change? That everyone can be truly good if they really try?”  
You opened one eye and grinned at them. They stared silently, looks of confusion plastered on their faces. The skeleton stayed crouched, watching you, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath.

You chuckled darkly.  
“Well… I got a better question for you guys….”

They looked at each other and back at you. You opened both eyes, giving them a murderous glare, grin stretching as wide as it could go. You were pretty sure you looked fully insane right now. You had practiced this look in the mirror plenty of times to know.

“ **…Do you wanna have a bad time?** Cause if you don’t leave now… You are REALLY not going to like what happens next…”

The two punks on the outside looked at each other nervously, but in true movie style, the middle one stepped forward with his bat thumping against his free hand.  
“Listen man, this doesn’t concern you. So, just head on home and let us do our thing. I’d hate to get your pulverized brain goo all over my nice shoes.”

You started laughing loudly, head thrown back like a maniac. You looked back at the three of them, grinning.  
“Well, I tried. Heh.”  
You took your hands from your pockets, your trusty switchblade in hand. You flipped it open then closed again, gathering your thoughts. Then, you let those thoughts flow freely from your lips.

“It’s a beautiful evening outside… Crickets are singing… Rats are scurrying… On nights like these, fucking assholes like you… **Should be ROTTING in Hell.** ”

With that, they rushed you, swinging wildly with their bats. You ducked and swiped at a leg, causing the one on the left to drop, gripping the wound as blood gushed through his fingers. You kept the grin plastered on your face as you dodged and swiped with your blade like a pro. The middle one was trying his damnedest to hit you, while his buddy was slowly backing away while swinging in your general direction. You rushed the one trying to escape and, grabbing his shoulder, pulled him towards you, kneeing him hard in the stomach. He went down, clutching his stomach and gasping for air. You picked up his discarded bat and turned to the last punk standing. You wink at him and licked your lips lewdly.

“Come on, kid. All this WOOD we got here… Why not have some fun instead?”

He snarled and rushed you. You stepped to the side, dodging easily. You tossed aside the bat you held and put your hands back into your pockets. He rushed you three more times and each time, you side-stepped, sending him crashing into a wall. He pulled himself to his feet and glared daggers at you.

“Hmm… Kid, that expression… That’s the look of someone who has Mommy issues… heh.”

He nearly roared as he rushed you, bat raised over his head. You caught it as it sailed downwards and jerked it from his hands, swinging it around to connect with his head with a loud CRACK.  
He slowly dropped to his knees and fell to his face. It was oddly satisfying. You looked over the bat in your hands and tossed it to the side as well. The punk you had knocked the breath out of was struggling to his feet. He saw you walking over to him and tried to bolt. You managed to dart forward and grab his shirt collar, throwing him up against the wall. You leaned close to his ear and growled a warning.

“Look, KID. This is MY TERRITORY. MY hunting grounds. I don’t need lowly ass-hats like you fucking shit up. So, I’ma be nice… REEEAL nice, and NOT kill you, capiche? But, if I ever, EVER see you or your friends again on this block… well… heh… **Ever wondered what your insides would look like on your outside?** ”

The punk started shaking violently, tears running down his cheeks. He glanced at the nearly forgotten skeleton. You grinned like a Cheshire Cat, pulling back to look him in the eye. He stared at you, fear wafting off of him so thickly, you could smell it. Disgusting.

“Oh, don’t worry about this pitiful excuse for a monster here. It’s a shame you three beat the fight out of him, but who am I to turn down a free kill? Now, get the fuck out of my face, so I can enjoy this with a little privacy.”

The skeleton slid down the wall and landed on his seat heavily. His eye sockets were dark and he stared straight ahead, mouth in a grimace.  
You dropped the smile and grabbed the punk by the throat, pulling him against you.

“And I mean what I fucking said about fucking killing you if I ever, EVER see your fucking face in my territory again, you worthless piece of shit. Now get the fuck out of here and tell all your stupid fucking friends the same.”

You threw him roughly to the ground and glared at him until he managed to scrabble to his feet and run off. You stared after him a few moments, before turning to the skeleton. He was still sitting, silent, so you turned to the van and tried the handle of the rear door. It opened smoothly. You picked up both unconscious thugs and tossed them inside, slamming the door closed afterwards. You let out a smooth chuckle and stretched. That was the most fun you had had in a few weeks. You picked up and closed your blade and stuffed it back in your pocket. A soft scuffing sound made you turn.  
The skeleton had managed to stand and was now walking slowly away as if hoping you won’t notice. His pink house shoes were scuffing the concrete in his exhausted state. You turned, standing straight.

“ **And where the FUCK do you think YOU’RE going??** ”

The small skeleton froze in his tracks, shoulders slumping in defeat, his back facing you. You walked slowly up to him, not bothering to be quiet about it. You stopped a foot behind him. He began visibly shaking, his bones making a soft rattling sound. You pondered the situation for a moment, before your grin returned.

“ **S K E L E T O N** ,” you growled, “ **Don’t you know how to thank a new friend? Turn around and shake my hand**.”

You wished you could have taken a picture of his face as he turned around to look up at you with a perfect mixture of fear, hope, disbelief, and relief. He shakily took your hand and you both stood silent a moment as if waiting for something to happen. When nothing did happen, he chuckled nervously.

“…you, uh, really had me nervous there for a minute, buddy…”

You laughed. “Nervous, my ass. You were pissin-your-pants-scared there, pal.” 

He grinned at you and you grinned right back. You winked at him.

“I know I saved ya, but I didn’t think you’d be the type to get all HANDsy so soon, heh.”

He looked down and chuckled, still holding your hand. He pulled his hand free and put them into his blue hoodie pockets. You mirrored him. 

“So, yeah… Didn’t mean to RATTLE your BONES… ALLEY wanted was to make sure you’re okay. Name’s Charlie.”

He snorted, and wiped at his eye.  
“Sans. Sans the Skeleton.”

You leaned in with a look of mock surprise.  
“And here, I thought you were a PONY!”

He chuckled again. You looked up at the darkened sky and sighed.  
“Come on, Sans, let’s quit HORSING around and get out of here. Those thugs are gonna wake up and I wanna get home.”

He looked back in the direction he had been heading. You shook your head.  
“Man, in the shape you’re in, and as easily as those punks beat you, you are in NO shape to be walking anywhere alone right now. Come back to my place, I’ll fix ya up, you can grab a bite to eat, and you can crash on my couch for the night. Head home in the morning.”  
He pondered on this for a moment.

“ya got a phone i can use? gotta call my bro, and let ‘im know what’s up…”

You nod and start walking in the direction of your apartment. He explains how he was jumped by the thugs on his way home from work, already low on magic. He had dodged most of their blows, but had taken a few hits to the ribs. By the time you had shown up, he was running on empty, moments away from getting dusted.  
He also told you that you had taken him on a hell of an emotional roller coaster, giving him hope and ripping it away, making him think he could slip away, then convincing him that you were gonna off him yourself.  
You explained that thugs would let you go easier if they thought you were a monster killer like them than a monster activist. Monster activists just got their asses beat.

You arrived at your apartment and noticed an unfamiliar car parked nearby. Two men and the punk from earlier were sitting inside, watching you. You pretended not to notice, unlocking your door. You motioned to Sans to go ahead and as soon as he was in the doorway, you shoved him as hard as you could and pulled the door shut behind you with a slam, locking the door loudly. You turned to see Sans looking up at you from the carpet, a mix of fear and confusion on his face. The partially open window had you mentally cursing yourself. They were probably listening. You could clearly see the car, too.  
Dammit.  
Fuck.  
Well, might as well give em an encore.

“h-hey… b-buddy, what was that f-for?”

You grinned down at him menacingly.  
“What was that for? Why, you didn’t forget already, did you? I said I wanted privacy, remember?”

You didn’t think his face could get any whiter, but it did. Sweat formed on his skull.  
“b-b-buddy, you… I thought…”  
He swallowed nervously, eyes darting to your locked door.

“You thought? What, that I’d let you go?? I can’t believe you walked right to your death… AFTER I said I was going to kill you myself!”  
You let out a crazed laugh, hearing it echo in the small, nearly empty room.

He stared up at you, eyes full of hurt and betrayal, mouth turned downwards in a frown. You could hear his bones faintly rattling in fear.

“Oh, you like my killing room? Sorry about all the DUST… My last guests left quite a mess….”

He looked around him frantically now, taking in every inch of the spotless room. He looked back up at you in confusion and dread. You winked at him and pointed at the window. He sagged in relief and nodded weakly. He looked like he might throw up. You felt another twinge of guilt at scaring him, but fuck it. Better scared than dead, right?

“So, Skeleton, any last words? Not that it matters, but I do like to know what you Monster scum think about before you die….”

He grimaced at you, and shook his head.  
“fuck you, human. you dirty monster killer.”

You grinned and pulled out your knife, flicking it open. Sans’s eyes went wide and he cried out in alarm as you pounced on him, driving the blade of the knife into the carpet beside him. You looked at him and put a finger to his teeth. You then stood, dusting off your clothes. 

“Well, that was easier than I hoped. Fuck. Better get this shit cleaned up.”

You turned to the window and walked over, closing it and pulling the curtains closed. Sans lay where he fell back on the floor, not moving, eyes watching you as you walked over to a cabinet and pulled out a container of baby powder, sandpaper, and some charcoal sticks. You dumped the powder in a bowl and rubbed the charcoal over the sandpaper. After mixing the powder and charcoal, it looked to be a light grey dust. You showed Sans, who just shuddered. That was all the confirmation you needed. You pointed at his shorts and motioned for him to hand them over. He flushed blue and looked at you incredulously. You motioned at him again and he pulled them off and handed them over, not looking at you. You slashed the leg with your knife, then dumping them and the “dust” in a small trash bag, you gave it a quick shake. You unlocked the door and headed outside, glaring pointedly at the parked car as you dumped the contents of the bag into the dumpster. You saw their eyes follow the dusty shorts as they fell. You wadded up the bag and tossed it in as well, then walked fearlessly towards the car. Before you had made it to the curb, the car started and peeled off, burning rubber on the still-warm asphalt. You chuckled and headed back inside, closing the door behind you, more quietly this time. With the door securely locked, you turned to the now half-naked skeleton on your floor. He was staring at the floor, knees pulled up to his chest. You could see his bare pelvic bone under his blue hoodie. You chuckled softly and walked past him to your bedroom, where you retrieved a baggy pair of black and blue striped basketball shorts. You returned and tossed them to him and went to the kitchen to whip up something to feed your guest.

After frying up some fries and grabbing a large bottle of ketchup, you returned to the near-empty living room and sat on the floor beside him, setting the plates and bottle at your feet. He had put on the shorts, but was still sitting with his knees pulled up. You looked over at his face and was shocked to see tears streaming down his cheekbones, his eye sockets dark.

“Yo, holy… What’s up, man, why are you…. Jeez… I didn’t mean to make you cry and shit…”

He sniffed softly and looked at you, the lights returning to his sockets.

“ya don’t get it… its not just you… we came up here to have a better life, but… you don’t know how many times I’ve thought it was over for me… how many times I’ve almost…”

He buried his face in his arms and let out a soft sob of despair. You rubbed the back of your neck nervously and hesitantly patted him on the back. 

“H-hey… there… yooooou….. it’ll be okay… or something… uh… jeez… how about we eat, and… uh… then we can talk… and shit…”

He chuckled softly at your awkward attempt to comfort him and looked at the food. He grinned when he saw the ketchup, grabbing it and lifting it in question.  
“ya mind?”

“Oh, no, help yoursellllllllll….f…….”

The smallish skeleton turned up the bottle and downed a third of it. Ketchup-drinking skeleton monsters. Sure, why not? You huffed in amusement and started eating on your fries. He picked up his plate and began eating as well, drinking ketchup every few bites. When you both had finished, you tossed him your cell phone and grabbed the plates and now-empty bottle, taking them back to the kitchen. You spotted the large unopened bottle of tequila you had been saving and grabbed it and two shot glasses. You returned to your place on the floor, switching on the lamp in the corner as you passed it. Sans ended the call and looked at the bottle and glasses, then at you, eyebrow ridge raised in question. You laughed, pouring a shot for each of you.

“Figured we could both do with some loosening up after the day you’ve had, pal. Everything okay?”  
You gestured to the phone with the bottle. He nodded.  
“told my bro i ran outta magic and was crashing at a friend’s place. he seemed excited that i’d made a friend. wants to meet ya. if… if you’re okay with that…”  
You smiled and nodded, setting the bottle down.

He chuckled and lifted a glass, eyeing it. You lifted yours in a toast.  
“To Monsters. Cuz they’re a hella lot better than humans, that’s for sure…”

He looked surprised for a second, then lifted his as well. You both downed your drinks, you licking your lips, him coughing at the burn. 

“Not used to human liquor, I take it?”

“heh… no, i usually drink monster alcohol. no burn, but it’ll fuck ya up if you aren’t careful.”

You refilled the glasses.  
“I’d like to try that shit. Maybe you could buy me a drink sometime.”

“maybe… humans ain’t exactly allowed to have it yet. bein’ magical and all.”  
You nod, chuckling. Most monster food and drink were still untested for human consumption. So, that meant no magical tasties for you. You had been disappointed.

You both down the second shots, and then third shots in silence. You refill them a fourth time, concentrating to avoid spilling the golden liquor. Too many shots, too fast, you scolded yourself.

“…hey, bud… jussst wondering. you always invite strangers to your home, scare the life outta ‘em, and then drink wif em?”

You chuckle, feeling the alcohol’s effects starting to take hold and down another shot. Tequila always did put you in a friendly, pleasant mood.  
“Nah. I don’t n’rm’rly bring anybody home wit me ‘nymore. Tha’s how you end up dead, man. Humans… you can’t trust the sorry son a bitches…”

Sans downed another and eyed his glass.  
“this shiz definitely different than monsher alcohol. i feel pretty good though.”

You both downed another, then another. You had lost count by now.

He turned to look at you seriously as you nibbled the edge of your glass.  
“srsly though, bud…. you jus bring… bringed… brought me into yer home. don’t know nothing about me or nuffin… i could be dangerous….”

You giggled.  
You fucking giggled, oh god.  
“Sansssssss… Saaaaaannnnnsssss…. Dude… I am… pretty sure I could kick your assss if it came down to it…”

He laughed drunkenly.  
“i don… i don’t even HAVE an asssss, heh heh heh heh heh heh…”

Your eyes widened. Holy shit. Where did his ass go?  
“Holy… fuck, man… where did you loosh… loosh it? Where did it go?”

He fell over laughing at this, his cheeks flushed blue. You crawled closer and reached for his sleeve tugging on it. He grabbed your sleeve and pulled back, causing you to topple over and faceplant beside him. He laughed even harder at this, which in turn, caused you to start laughing. You both lay in the floor laughing like idiots for a good five minutes straight. Eventually, you calmed down enough to roll over on your back.

“so, buddyyyy… should i worry tha you gonna dust me in my sleep?”

You glared at him. Or tried to anyway. You’re pretty sure it came off weird as it just made him chuckle.  
“Dude, thas not funny. Besides. I could have killed you how many… many times today?”

He nodded silently and turned his head to look at you.  
“you’re pretty okay… for a human.”

You grinned back stupidly.  
“And you’re pretty sexy for a skeleton!”

He blushed a deep blue, eye sockets widening in surprise. He recovered, grinned and wiggled his eyebrows.  
“oh, i see your plan… wanna take a trip to the BONEZONE, eh?”

You grinned wider, looking back up at the ceiling.  
“Oh, heh, you know it, Sansy-baby!”

After he didn’t reply, you rolled to your side, facing him and poked his shoulder.  
“Yooooooooo, Sansssss, didja fall asleep already? Damn, son, didn take you fer a lightweight…”

Sans rolled to face you, a nervous grin plastered on his drunken face.  
“i’m jus tryin to fig’re out if you… are sers or not.”

You laugh and grab his face with both hands, dragging it across the floor to your own. You marveled for a moment at how soft and pliable his cheekbones were with your thumbs. You looked deep into his eye sockets, your nose barely touching his nasal ridge. His face blushed an even deeper blue as he glanced down at your lips and swallowed nervously.

“b-buddy?” he whispered.

You grinned and pressed your lips to his teeth firmly, feeling a current of pleasure surge through your body, ending in your loins. He hesitantly pressed back, shakily placing a bony hand on your cheek. You inhaled and found yourself pressing your body closer to his, reaching down and around to grab at where his ass would be, managing to grab the back of his pelvic bone through his shorts. He moaned against your lips which prompted you to grind your hips against his. He gasped and you saw a blue light through your closed eyelids. You opened them and saw that one of his eye sockets had gone dark, but the other one… that little glowing white light that seemed to serve as his pupil now had a blue glowing iris around it. That same blue glow was coming from his mouth and you looked down to see a long, wet, blue, jellylike tongue snake out between his teeth. You instantly pressed your mouth back to his, drawing his tongue into your mouth with your own. Around and around, your tongues writhed and battled against each other in your mouth, you both moaning softly with each exhaled breath.  
You groaned as you felt your member grow hard in your shorts, pressing against the skeleton’s clothed pelvis. You pulled back slowly, eyes half closed. He shared the same pleased look. After a few minutes of drunkenly staring at each other, you realize you had been making out with Sans on the living room floor. And now you had a raging fucking hard on.

You groan and roll to your back, pressing your palms to your eyes. Fucking tequila, man….  
You felt pressure on your hips and you jerked your hands away to see Sans sitting on your waist, hands on either sides of your shoulders. He was grinning at you, eye sockets half closed, glowing blue tongue hanging down past his chin. You felt your dick throb at the sight and a moan slipped out past your lips. He leaned forward to resume your make-out session, sliding that amazing tongue back into your mouth to dance with your own tongue. He moaned in pleasure, as you reached down and gripped his pelvis through his clothes, grinding his hips down into yours. He lifted a hand to your cheek gently and ran his hand slowly down to your neck to the neck of your hoodie. He clenched the fabric in his bony hand and pulled back to look down at you as he ground his hips down and forward into yours.  
So fucking hot.  
Shit.  
He continued grinding against the growing bulge in your shorts, cheeks blue, tongue sliding over his teeth hungrily as he stared at you.  
You slid your hands up along his thigh bones, under the legs of his shorts. He moaned and ground against you feverishly.

“God, Saaaaaans… You’re a fucking sssshhhhlut, huh? Heh heh…”

He stopped and blushed harder at your comment, sliding off of you. You groaned and grabbed at the throbbing bulge in your shorts. He looked away.

“Ssssshiiiiiiit, man, I… I didn’t mean it like… that… Fuck, mannnn… You were just so… nnnngh… lookit you did to me… shit…”  
You wondered drunkenly if it would be rude to whip your dick out and rub one off right here, right now. You started to ask, when you noticed him staring. You grinned and decided to introduce him to your friend. You reached into your shorts with your other hand and gripped your aching member to pull it free from the confines of your shorts. It stood at attention like a proud soldier before Sans’s eyes. He stared, transfixed. 

“Never thought I’d be into skels… heh heh… Skeleton giving me a BONER… shit, dude… you jusss gonna stare or what?”  
You started stroking it slowly, watching his face in anticipation. After a moment, he reached out a hand to grip your cock, imitating your motions. You sighed softly at the warm, bony touch. He began stroking with more confidence, watching as little beads of precum formed at your slit. You moaned loudly, pleasantly surprised when you felt that amazing tongue of his make contact with the head of your cock. He pulled back startled, then grinned, diving back down to wrap his tongue around it, parting his teeth to take it into his mouth. You were surprised to feel lips wrap around your dick, when there were none to be seen.  
He snaked his tongue up and down the length as he bobbed his head up and down, sliding your dick in and out of his hot wet mouth. You grabbed at your scalp, twining your fingers in your hair, totally lost in the pleasure. You moaned as he picked up pace, feeling the pleasure build. His name slipped from your lips as you felt yourself explode in his mouth, dick throbbing as you came and came. You finally finished and you felt yourself relax against the floor. You reached down and pulled your shorts back over your member. Sans was grinning at you, licking his teeth.

You fought the urge to close your eyes and go to sleep, and instead, pulled yourself to a sitting position.  
“Alright, man… Gotsta be fair about this. How do I get you off?”

He grinned drunkenly and pulled off his hoodie and the underlying white shirt. You stared at his ribs. Holy… You could see through him! He gently took your hands, placing one on his ribs and the other against the inside of his pelvis. You gently rubbed your hands around, experimenting, listening to the moans he was now making. You grabbed a rib and stroked it side to side, delighting in the deep moan that escaped him. With your other hand, you rubbed circles on his pelvis, focusing on the spots that made him moan louder. You leaned forward to press your lips against his teeth like before. He was breathing faster now, his hands gripping your shoulders tightly, as if afraid to let go. You pulled back from the kiss and, grinning, focused on his neck. As soon as your tongue made contact, he cried out and his entire body went into spasms, bones rattling loudly, until he sagged against you in exhaustion. You chuckled, feeling proud. You started to stand, but staggered and ended up back on the floor.  
Oh, well. The floor was nice. It always had your back. You chuckled tiredly and pulled the now-snoring skeleton against you, covering him with his hoodie.  
Sleep came quickly.  
But not as quickly as you had.

Boo…yah… heh heh…

heh…


	2. Fuck, Are We Rabbits, Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning wood. Need I say more?
> 
> Oh, and you meet Papyrus.  
> Such an innocent buttercup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More smut.  
> There's a story here somewhere, I promise. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy. After this chapter, there will be a little less smut and more plot advancement.
> 
> Oh, and all chapters with smut in them will feature the word "fuck" somewhere in the title. So, for those of you just looking for naughtiness... well, there ya go. Non-smutty chapters won't have the word "fuck."  
> so... yeah.

Chapter 2

 

You groan and slowly emerge from a dreamless sleep into a full blown migraine. Tequila… such a harsh mistress, you thought to yourself. You start to bring your hand to your face, when you realize that you are on the floor and there is a person laying on your arm. And not just on your arm, either. This person is curled onto their side, snuggled back against you as the little spoon. And you’re currently playing the part of the big spoon, free arm wrapped around their rising and falling chest. They’re warm and comfortable and you’re tempted to just drift back to sleep, but you suddenly realize two very important things about your situation: you have no memory of what happened last night and who you are currently cuddling… and this spooning is giving you some hella morning wood.

You breathe deeply, not wanting to open your eyes and give your aching head more to complain about, and pick up the scents of cedar, musk, stale tequila, and… ketchup? You then gently grope around their chest. No tits. Definitely a dude. You think anyway.  
Hey, wouldn’t be the first time. 

You can feel ribs through the thick cloth draped over his upper body. Dude must be hella skinny.  
You inhale sharply as your cuddle-buddy squirms in his sleep, grinding his ass against your stiff dick. This whole scenario just got HARDER to deal with… You chuckle silently to yourself. You decide to give your bed…er… floor-buddy an AROUSING wake-up call. You start slowly, gently dry humping his backside as you slide your hand to his hip. Once you have a good grip, you slowly increase the speed and force of your thrusts until you are full on rutting the hell out of his bony ass, hand pulling back on his hip as you thrust forward for maximum effect. He moans softly, pushing his rear back towards you, as if asking for more. Your breathing is getting heavier and heavier, migraine temporarily forgotten in the moment. The dry-humping is hella nice, but its starting to cause you more frustration than its worth. You slow your pace and reach down to pull your floor-mate’s shorts down and touch bare… bone?  
You freeze.  
He presses back against your stiff rod with another soft moan, obviously as turned on as you are. You open your eyes and glance down to see the bare skull resting back against your collarbone, cheeks flushed blue in his sleep. 

Oh god.

**Sans.**

You remember… well, you remember saving him and scaring the shit out of him and giving him fries and he drank the ketchup… who does that?... and then you got the tequila out and…. nothing. And now you’re humping the hell out of him and you’re PRETTY sure he was enjoying it…. 

What happened last night?

What was happening now?

Should you continue?

You bite your bottom lip and decide to wake him. Gripping his shoulder with your free hand, you gently shake him.  
“S-Sans! Hey! Pal… Wake up!”

He groans and wiggles against you some more causing you to force back a moan.  
“Five more minutes. Paps… Jus five…. more…”

“Sans! You are giving me fucking morning wood, dude, so unless you are gonna **ride this fucking cock, WAKE THE FUCK UP!** ”

He jerks awake at that and scrambles on hands and knees away from you, glancing down at your impressive tent. He returns his gaze to your flushed face and gives you a nervous grin.  
“i… uh… sorry about that… uh…” 

He pauses, smile dropping into a frown as his brows furrow in thought.  
“…..where… uh… where am i and who are you?”  
He looks at you in confusion as you slowly sit up, repositioning yourself in your shorts. 

“Dude, come on… I saved your ass yesterday. You drank my ketchup. We took shots. You sucked my…”  
You paused a moment as that particular memory resurfaced.

“ **HOLYFUCKDUDEYOUSUCKEDMYDICK….** ”

You both stared wide-eyed at each other in silence for a few minutes.  
Sans sat back and rubbed the back of his head.  
“you, uh… sure about that? doesn’t really sound like something i’d do…”

You tried to think back.  
“Blue… bluuuuuuue…… Something was blue… and… glowy…”

Sans face turned navy, he blushed so hard.

“Oh, yeah. You got a cool as fuck blue glowy tentacle tongue!”  
You grinned at him and winked.  
“Shit, dude, you were kind of a slut. You remember?”

Sans stared at you, still blushing and shook his head. You sighed, suddenly feeling guilty. He obviously wasn’t as psyched about the experience as you were.

“You don’t even remember getting off? Or that sweet and sexy make-out session?”  
He shook his head a moment before freezing, his eye sockets going dark. His blush increased and he cleared his throat.  
“i… i, uh… remember you touch… touching my ribs and my… yeah… i remember getting off… shit….”

He looked back at you, lights returning to his eyes.  
“so….. why’d we act that way?”

You shrug.  
“Tequila, man. Makes your clothes fall off, or some shit like that. The real question is, did that all happen because of the alcohol, or because we subconsciously wanted to BONE the hell out of each other?”  
You chuckled, winking at him, and pulled yourself to your feet. You were gonna have to take one hell of a cold shower to get rid of this wood. Damn.

Sans seemed to be mulling over your question as you went to the kitchen to make some coffee. As it brewed, you replayed what you could remember in your mind, the mental images not helping your, er… situation…  
Mug in hand, you almost jumped when you turned to find the skeleton standing in the archway, looking at you seriously.

“how can we find out?” he asked nervously. You grinned.

“Well, homie, we could always kiss and see what happens. If there’s nothing there, then, well, obviously it was the alcohol. And if there is…..” You shrug nonchalantly.

He ponders this for a moment then nods at you. You mentally grin and set your mug back on the counter. You walk over to him and put your hands on each of his shoulders. The top of his head comes to your chin, so you bend your knees to try and make up the height difference. 

This is it.  
You’re gonna kiss him.  
You’re gonna kiss this skeleton.  
…..Aaaaaany minute now…..  
Its gonna happen…  
You totally aren’t afraid that you might actually have feelings for this person you just met and that those feelings might possibly somehow make you less masculine thereby stripping you of your alpha male status…  
Nope.  
Nuh-uh.  
Totally leaning in…  
Almost…

Sans clears his throat and you open your eyes. He’s got the most confused/amused look on his face and you realized you have your lips puckered out like a goldfish gasping for air.  
You pull back and growl.  
So manly.  
“Sorry, just, uh… heh… yeah… let’s just do this…”

You push aside your fears and lean in as he does, meeting halfway. Your lips touch teeth and you feel a shudder of pleasure, almost like electricity course through your body. You find yourself wrapping your arms around him as he presses harder into the kiss. He hums as you open your mouth and slide your tongue over his smooth teeth, parting them to allow access. A familiar blue glow alerts you to the presence of his tongue and you eagerly seek it out with your own. Your tongues dance together in perfect harmony and you vaguely notice that you both are grinding your hips against each other lustfully. You let out a heated moan and press Sans against the cabinets, reaching down to grab underneath his thigh bones and lift him onto the counter. Your mouth doesn’t leave his as you reach both hands under his shirt to caress at his ribs. He moans loudly, tilting his chin down to press his forehead against yours. You lift his shirt and lean forward to run your wet tongue across his bottom rib. He buries his hands in your hair, twisting and pulling as his moans grow louder. You grin heatedly and close your lips over the curved bone, sucking and lapping at it with your tongue. 

“f…fuck…nnnnnggggghhhh…. man… fu….uck… fuuuuuck…..”

You swirl your tongue across it and slowly slide a hand into his shorts. When your fingers make contact with the inside of his pelvis, he buries his face in your scalp, panting heavily. You grin even more, ignoring the painful hard-on you now sport, and quickly pull his shorts all the way off. You pull back from his ribs and lower your head to lap at his pelvic bone. He can’t seem to talk any more, just moaning and making odd partial words, as your tongue swirls around, dipping into every nook and curve. You notice his coccyx and give it an experimental lick, earning a cry of pleasure from the writhing skeleton above you. You take it into your mouth and begin sucking gently, surprised when he begins thrusting aggressively, hands holding your head in place. You suck harder, rubbing at the vertebrae with your tongue until he gives a last, loud, moaning cry, body shuddering violently with orgasm. He slumps limply on top of you and you chuckle as you have to reach up and untangle his hands from your hair.

“So, what do you think, Sans? Not just the Tequila?”  
He slowly shakes his head against your scalp.

You pause a moment, your dick throbbing, begging for attention.  
“Hey, Sans… I don’t suppose you’re a carpenter?”

He’s silent a moment, before sitting up to look at you in confusion.

You wink and grab your crotch.  
“…Cuz I heard you’re pretty good at handling hardWOOD!”

\---

You both spend the morning getting to know each other better, which involves quite a few, ahem, orgasms between the both of you. You explore every inch of his skeletal body and he, in turn explores yours. He can’t seem to get over how soft you are, and you can’t seem to get enough of him PERIOD. Especially that tongue of his. Damn. Every time he forms it and licks his teeth, WHAM! Instant BONER. By 12 o’clock, you both are laying naked in your bed, exhausted. 

“so, uh… heh… that was something,” he grinned tiredly.  
“Mmmhmm,” you reply.

You both lay in silence for a while before Sans looks over at the clock.  
“dang. i need to get home before Paps starts to worry. i usually get up around this time.”  
He looks at you a moment before a wide grin snakes across his face.

“don’t suppose you’re opposed to a little magic?”  
You stare pointedly at him and stick out your tongue. He laughs, blushing.  
“oh, right. heh heh. well, how about i show you a shortcut to my place from here? after we…” he looks down at himself. “get dressed, of course. heh.”

You end up pulling him into the shower with you, which starts as a way to get clean and ends with you both getting a little dirty. Hey, you didn’t think rubbing his bones with thick… foamy… lather… would… alright, maybe it should have been obvious. Not that you minded. He certainly didn’t seem to.

You dug around in your drawers until you found a blue pair of basketball shorts and a plain white shirt. You tossed them to the naked skeleton currently sitting on your bed. He took them, grateful for something clean. You threw on a black pair with a single purple stripe on each leg and a black t-shirt that had a large grinning skull and crossbones. You looked over to see him staring, blushing slightly. You cocked an eyebrow at him.  
“Like what you see, Bone-boy?”  
He chuckled and blushed a little more. You walked over and sat next to him, putting an arm around him and pulling him against your side.

“Look, uh, I don’t really know how things are with Monsters and shit when it comes to… er… sex and shit… But, I know this might seem a bit rushed? Shit, I dunno, man… What I’m saying, I guess is… I like you. A lot. I don’t click with people, but I did with you. Friends?”

He looks at you for a moment, eye sockets wide, then burst out laughing, clutching his stomach region. He tries to say something, looks up at you, then laughs even harder. You stare at him annoyed until he manages to calm down. He wipes a tear from his eye socket and looks at you, one eye closed.

“kid, i think we may have passed the whole friend bit…”

You huff.  
“Friends with benefits then.”

He ponders this, studying your face.  
“sure... friends with benefits. could be fun.”

You watch him as he stands, stretching. Something about the way he said that didn’t seem right. Like there was something else that he wanted to say instead. You shrugged it off. If he didn’t wanna speak his mind, fuck him then.  
He turned towards you and reached for your hand. You scoffed amusedly and stood on your own.  
“Do I look like some princess to you?”

He just grinned and grabbed you around the waist, pulling you close. You admit you may have blushed a little. He looked up at you and winked, his eye flaring blue with magic.  
“hold on, kid. don’t wanna lose ya in the void.”

Your eyes widened and you started to reply when your stomach decided to do a triple-fucking-backflip off of the world’s fastest roller coaster into a spinning teacup of doom.  
You opened your eyes, moaning at the way your head was spinning. You were still clutching Sans, but you were now standing in a small apartment with… well, horribly colored carpet. Seriously, it looked as though it had been dyed with a mixture of vomit and baby shit. You glanced quickly around to see cracks in the walls and ceiling, taped up windows, and a LOT of locks on the door. You looked down at him to find him looking away, embarrassed.  
“yeah, not as nice as your place. rent for monsters ain’t cheap, ya know. we take what we can get.”

You force a smile and start to comment when you’re about startled out of your skin by a loud voice yelling from a room at the end of the small hallway.

“SANS! ARE YOU FINALLY HOME? I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU ALL NIGHT AND I….. WHO IS THIS HUMAN?”

You stared as a tall… VERY TALL… like holy hell, he was like 7 ½ ft or something… skeleton, in a fast food uniform walked into the living room. He stood looking you up and down, and you found yourself doing the same. Briefly, you pondered the idea of a sexy skeleton sandwich… with you being the meat in the middle, of course… but let the idea drop from your mind. Sans didn’t seem the type to get it on with his brother. 

 

Maybe in another universe somewhere, perhaps, but not this one.

 

The tall skeleton reached for your hand, face beaming. You realize you were still wrapped around Sans. Oops!  
You untangled yourself from the short skeleton and took the tall one’s hand. He shook it energetically, nearly wrenching your arm from it’s socket.

“HELLO, HUMAN FRIEND OF SANS! I AM, AS YOU HAVE PROBABLY HEARD FROM MY BROTHER HERE, THE GREAT PAPYRUS! NYEH HEH HEH!”

You found yourself grinning up at him. He was so fu… freaking adorable! You took a moment to realize you had censored yourself in your mind. 

The fudge?  
Holy shitake mushrooms.  
Son of a flipping pancake. 

You snorted, earning odd looks from the two skels. This was too much. You looked down at Sans, who was waiting for the punchline.  
“I can’t, er… heh… hahaha… nevermind…”

You turned back to Papyrus and grinned.  
“It’s hefty nice to finally meet you, man! I’m sure we’ll get along flumping great and stuff!”

You almost lost it, barely holding back a chuckle. Sans seemed to finally get it and looked up at the confused Papyrus with a grin.  
“guess he’s a little confused from the shortcut, bro. he’ll be fine in a minute.”

Papyrus nodded and rushed into the kitchen, clanging and banging pots and pans around. You looked at Sans and he winked at you.  
“it’s a bit of magic. can’t have people filling my baby bro’s head with naughty language…”

You grinned at him and stepped closer, wrapping your arms over his shoulders, around his neck and looking down at him.  
“So, I take it Papyrus there is an innocent little buttercup? I think that’s cute. You wanting to protect him like that. So, does that magic of your effect anything else that might be… naughty?”  
You wiggled your eyebrows at his as he blushed and pulled you into a kiss. After a few heated moments, you heard someone clearing their throat. Loudly.

“SANS! I APPRECIATE THAT YOU HAVE MADE A… ER… VERY CLOSE FRIEND, BUT COULD YOU AT LEAST WAIT UNTIL I LEAVE TO DO YOUR CANOODLING?”

You both blushed, embarrassed and stepped back from each other. Instead of looking upset, Papyrus actually looked quite happy to have caught the two of you. Sans grinned at him.  
“Need a ride to work, bro?”

Papyrus slumped his shoulders, waving around a bagel, and looked at the ceiling dramatically.  
“SIGH. I SUPPOSE SO, BROTHER, CONSIDERING YOU DO NOT WANT ME WALKING THROUGH OUR NEIGHBORHOOD ALONE. EVEN THOUGH I DO NOT LIKE YOUR SHORTCUTS ONE BIT. THEY CAN BE QUITE DISORIENTATING.”

Sans chuckled and winked at you.  
“be right back.”

With that, he took Papyrus’s hand and both skeletons vanished as soon as you blinked. You turned around to look at the room again and spotted an old, beat-up, stained couch. You wandered over, hesitating at the sight of the red stains on the green couch. You knelt to look closer, wondering if it was blood or… oh, it was spaghetti sauce.

You decided to stand, popping your knuckles as you waited. 

“holy hell, dude, that’s sick!”

You jumped again, to see Sans standing behind you, face scrunched up in disgust. He looked at your hands, then up at your face with worry. You laughed.  
“It’s just my knuckles, Sans. I pop em all the time.”  
You cracked them some more to prove your point. Sans just looked even more disgusted. You sighed.  
“Alright, alright, I’ll quit. So, what’s on the agenda? Want me to hang around, maybe show me your bed, or…?” 

You left the question hanging open. Sans grinned, catching your meaning. He grabbed your shirt and pulled you down into another kiss before yanking your shorts to the ground. You started to ask what he was planning, but his mouth was back against yours, hungrily pushing that magical appendage between your lips in search of your tongue. You gave in, surprised at how quickly you grew hard. Sans reached down to grab your exposed cock and gave it a few pumps. You moaned softly, looking him in the eyes. He winked at you and you felt yourself falling backwards, stomach doing a quick flip, and landed on a mattress. You looked around in surprise. You both were now in a small, messy bedroom. There was no sheet on the bed and the blanket was wadded up into a ball. Sans was standing over you, eyeing your erection hungrily. You grinned.

“So, I take it this is your room? What’s the plan, now that you have me in your bed?”

He removed his own shorts and hoodie, leaving the white shirt on for the moment. He dropped to his knees, legs on either side of your thighs and looked at you mischievously.  
“figured maybe we could try something different. if you’re up for it.”

You grin excitedly and nod. His eye begins glowing and you spot a swirling mist of blue in his pelvic region. Before you can see what he’s going to do, he has his teeth pressed against your lips again, kissing you in a frenzy of passion. You forget about his magic for the moment, lost in your embrace. You startle, however, when you feel something hot, and wet slide down around your cock. A moan slips from your lips as you focus on the sensation. Its throbbing, slick, and very tight. You thrust upwards, surprised at the moan that leaves Sans. You look up at him in question.  
“Did you…?”

He winks and grinds his magical new hole down around your aching cock. Fuck. You throw your head back in pure bliss. 

“So… nnnngh…good…tight… fuck….” is all you can mutter as he begins grinding his hips down and back, his walls stroking and hugging your dick.  
You can’t help but wonder if he’s done this before, as he rides you like a pro, head back, panting. His fingers dig into your shirt, grabbing on for leverage. As you feel the tension begin to build, you slide your hands, which were clawing at his thigh bones, up to his hips and push him to the side, flipping him and rolling, so that you were the one on top. He looks up at you, surprised, and you growl low, leaning forward to lick at his collarbone. He shivered and moaned. You slid your dick back into his glowing pussy and began thrusting, slowly at first, then harder and faster as you found your rhythm. Sans grabbed the back of your shirt, writhing and moaning beneath you as you assaulted him with both tongue and cock. You moved to his neck bones, gently nibbling as you slowed your thrusts momentarily. He let out a needy whine, begging, without words, for you to speed back up. You grinned, enjoying the way he wriggled for a few moments, before you latched onto his vertebrae with your teeth and lips, biting and sucking at the bones as your tongue swirled round and round. He bucked up into you with a cry, his walls clenching around your cock as he suddenly reached his peak, causing you to rut into him fervently. You found yourself thrusting harder and faster as his cries of pleasure became louder. Fuck! You felt the pressure growing in your loins. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuuuuuuuck! You began thrusting sporadically as you came inside him, filling him with your load. 

You moaned, depleted, and collapsed on top of him, surprised that he was already snoring. You chuckled and rolled to the side, blanket-wad against your hip. His magical organ had vanished, leaving nothing but bones behind. 

You found yourself smiling up at the ceiling. 

You could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it...
> 
> Burning...  
> yup.  
> gonna.


	3. Fucking Neighbors...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Took a long time, but finally got another chapter out. Can't promise when the next one will be finished, as this is just a little side-thing I've got going on. Sort of a way to, um... keep smut out of my other story? If that makes any sense.  
> Oh, well.  
> Enjoy.

Chapter 3

 

“Mmmmm…”  
You wiggled a bit at the sensation that had pulled you from your dreamless sleep. You rarely dreamed. Or you didn’t remember your dreams. Same fucking difference, right? Anyway, back to that… sensation.  
A mouth, hot and wet was pulling at your hard cock, tongue caressing it up and down, lips wrapped tightly around it. You moaned, beginning to wonder if maybe this WAS a dream… A wonderful, glorious dream… You opened your eyes to make sure.  
The sensation stopped and you looked down your body into the eye sockets of a certain grinning skeleton. He winked at you.

“noticed you had quite the BONER… couldn’t resist…”

“Well, don’t stop… That was some SANSational tongue action there, pal…”

He lolled that tongue of his out and licked his teeth. You shuddered with arousal and anticipation. He lowered his head and began to circle the head with his tongue, round and round and round. Then, he suddenly shoved his face into your crotch, thrusting your cock into his mouth as he began to suck hungrily, head bobbing up and down. You moaned and reached up to clutch at the pillow, only to find there wasn’t one. You settled instead for burying your hands into your hair, twisting and tugging as the skeleton made you moan and squirm. You never wanted this to end!  
Sans stopped and you almost cried out….   
You did cry out, but for a different reason. He slowly slid his wet tongue down to your sack and gave it a thorough lick. He then, starting from the back of your balls, slid his tongue slowly upward, up your shaft, until he reached the head. He began sucking again, his head movements slower, tongue swirling pleasantly all around. You moaned softly, enjoying it.  
You untangled a hand from your hair and reached down to place it on the back of his smooth skull. He paused for a moment, slightly startled, but resumed his head bobbing. You let your hand rest for a few moments, before you slowly started to press down, forcing him to increase his speed. He complied, sucking harder than before. You were panting and moaning quite loudly at this point, enjoying the bit of control you had over the situation. You freed your other hand from your hair and gripped the sides of his head, forcing him down faster, bucking your hips, essentially mouth-fucking him. He began to hum as you thrust upward, ramming your cock into and out of his mouth with increasing speed and urgency. You could feel it building already and you cried out in ecstasy as you gave one last thrust, holding his face flush against your skin as you pumped your cum down his invisible, magical, fucking wonderful throat. You sighed and let your body flop into a relaxed state, your hands hitting the bed with a soft plop.  
Sans sat up, a mischievous look in his eye. He licked his lips and gave you a hungry look. You could feel yourself already becoming half-erect.

“Shit, dude, you want more?”

He smiled at you and started taking off his clothes. He straddled you and began tracing the tips of his bony phalanges down your chest. You couldn’t help but lean upwards into his touch. He chuckled and leaned forward to lick at your neck, making you moan and grab at his bare hips. He inhaled sharply when your fingers brushed against the bone. Your hips bucked upwards, your erection grazing against the smooth bone of his pelvis. He moaned softly and conjured up that magical hole once again, pressing it against the head of your aching cock. You sat up halfway and pulled him into a kiss as he moved his hips down and back, causing you both to moan loudly. You both began kissing frantically as you helped him ride you, your hands gripping the sides of his pelvis as if you were afraid to let go. Harder and faster as his wonderful tongue wrestled with your own, the sound of your moans mixing with his in the quiet room, almost drowning out the sounds of bone on flesh and the squelches of your cock ravaging his tight, wet, magical hole. He pulled back slightly to moan your name, cheekbones flushed blue, eye sockets half closed as he looked at you, a small bit of saliva running down his chin. He panted heavily as you began thrusting upwards, pounding his hole repeatedly.

“char…lie… i’m gon…na… cum…. nnnnnn….”

You felt your own orgasm nearing and buried your face in his neck, latching onto his collarbone with your teeth. The walls of his hole tightened around your cock instantly as his entire body rattled and shook. That was enough to send you over the edge as well, clutching his body to yours as you filled him up. You gave a few more haphazard thrusts, before leaning back slightly, relaxing your hold on the smallish skeleton. 

He sighed and looked up at you, smiling.   
“definitely more than friends…”

You grinned down at him and pulled him close, his face against your chest.  
“Yeah… you’re probably right.”

Sans sat upright quickly when, right at that moment, your stomach decided to give a loud rumble. You laughed at his startled expression.  
“Maybe we should go grab something to eat… I’m starving after all this… exercise.”

\---

Sans stared as you opened your mouth wide, saliva pooling on your tongue in anticipation. The juicy piece of meat slid over your lips, filling your mouth. You moaned slightly as the delicious juices flooded your taste buds. You chewed the piece of steak slowly, savoring it, before finally swallowing. You grinned and grabbed a napkin to wipe your mouth.   
He stilled stared.

“Sorry, man, but I love a good steak. Nothing better in this shitty world… except maybe, a piece of butterscotch pie. With cinnamon. Mmm… Hell, yeah.” 

Sans looked down at his plate of fries for a moment.  
“cinnamon butterscotch pie?” he said softly.

You took another bite before continuing.  
“Yeah, man… My mom used to make one every few months. Just enough to be enough, but not too often to make you sick of em. Ever had one?”

Sans shook his head and nibbled on a fry.  
“nah. knew a lady that made em, but never got to try it before she… well...”

You paused and looked down at him.   
“Aw, man… I’m sorry… How did she go?”

He looked up at your sorrowful face and laughed.  
“no, no… she’s very much alive. she went back to her ex, is all. they moved away to a small town to get away from all this violence.” 

You both sat in silence, eating. When you finished, you looked at your watch. You had something you wanted to talk to the skeleton bros about. The sooner, the better.

“So, your bro should be getting off work soon, yeah?”   
Sans nodded, his mouth full of fries. You rubbed at your wrist a moment before continuing.  
“Look. Sans. There’s something I wanted to talk to you and your bro about, regarding your……… situation.”

Sans glanced around. He had teleported you both to your favorite steakhouse on the other side of town. There was very little chance any monster haters would recognize the little skeleton there, leaving you both to eat in relative peace. He still seemed wary, however. Though, you couldn’t really blame him.  
You stabbed another piece of steak with your fork and held it in front of you, studying it. The outside was cooked just-so, crispy, but not burnt, leaving the inside pink and oh-so-tender. The soft lighting caused the juices to glisten as they slowly rolled down the silver handle. You popped the bite into your mouth. Perfection.

“so… what did you, uh, wanna talk about?”

Looking up, you see that Sans has stopped eating and is currently staring at you nervously. You sigh and place your fork on your now-empty plate. Well, at least he let you finish before pressing for more info.  
You lace your fingers together in front of you, thinking for a moment.

“Okay, so. You’re dead.”

Sans jerks at that, a bead of sweat forming on his skull.

“I mean… to those assholes we saw. I dusted you, remember?”

He sighs in relief and glances around again before leaning closer.  
“i was wondering how i’ma go back to, well, life after that little show. i’m guessing you got an answer?”

You give him a reassuring smile, then catch the waiter’s attention, quickly getting the check and paying.   
You make sure to leave a nice tip.

“Maybe we should have this conversation away from the general public…”

He stands and follows you outside and into the nearby alley, eyes darting around to make sure it isn’t occupied. Your hands snake around his ribs as his find your hips. He pulls you close with a deep growl, then you’re flip-flopping-upside-down-and-inside-out-and-holy-shit-I’m-gonna-hurl before landing on the ugly ass carpet of their living room again. You can’t help but be simultaneously distracted and disgusted by the vomit+baby shit color of it.   
Seriously.   
Who the hell even picks this color of-  
You suddenly forget all about the carpet as Sans yanks your shorts down to your ankles, dropping to his knees, and proceeds to start licking at your half-erection with that amazing tongue of his.   
Have you mentioned how amazing it is?   
You moan, placing your hands on top of his skull, thoroughly enjoying the view.   
This guy…   
Mmmmm…   
This guy… definitely knows what he’s doing.  
Just as you get good and hard, which, to be quite honest, doesn’t take very fucking long, he stops, causing you to let out a small, involuntary whine. He looks up at you with a smirk.  
“what’s wrong? don’t LICK it when i stop?”

You grin right back at him.  
“How a-MOUTH you go back to what you were doing there, pal?”

His grin gets wider, but he stands instead, turning away from you and walking into the kitchen. Your dick throbs in protest and you half-consider jacking yourself off right there, in the middle of the living room. You opt instead to step out of your shorts and follow the skeleton into the kitchen.   
What awaits you makes you glad you did.  
Sans is completely naked and sprawled out on the table like some sort of delicious, sexy, offering to the gods. He hears you groan with lust and looks at you, pulling his hands up behind his head.   
“heh. you looked a little unSANSified after lunch, so i thought i’d make you a snack. BONE-appetite.”

You move forward and place yourself between his legs, grabbing his thighs and pulling him to you. He was already ready for you, so you wasted no time, thrusting into him hard, delighting in the gasp that escaped his teeth. His cheeks were flushed blue, and you couldn’t help but wonder if he felt any embarrassment at wanting to have sex on the table that he and his brother shared meals on.   
You began thrusting at an even pace, watching as he moaned and panted and gripped the edge of the table over his head. You slid your hand slowly up his ribcage and back down again, grabbing onto one of the thicker ribs. His voice hitched for a moment, before moaning louder than before.  
“Mmm, Sans, you feel so good…”  
He blushed a darker shade of blue and cried out as you began to fuck him harder.  
“Nnnn… Look at you… Getting ravaged on your own kitchen table… You like being dirty, don’t you?”  
Sans writhed under you, his cheekbones navy at this point, panting and moaning, a little bit of drool running down from the corner of his mouth, a complete mess. You gripped his rib tighter, using your other hand to lift his leg over your shoulder and used the leverage to thrust harder and faster, forcing your cock in as far as it would go. Your moans mixed with his in a beautiful symphony of lustful noise.  
You fucked him, feeling his slick walls throb as your hard, needy cock slid in and out, harder and faster. He was getting close. So close. You slowed your pace just a little, opening your mouth to comment, when a loud knock at the door all but made you freeze.   
You looked from the door to Sans and back again.   
You could answer the door, but then again, you had a very sexy skeleton just moments away from cumming on your dick… Eh, they could wait. You released Sans’s rib and grabbed his pelvis with both hands, sliding your thumbs over the warm bone. You gave it your all now, fucking him harder and faster than you had before. You were going for the finish and you wanted him to cum NOW.  
“f-fuck… f-f-fuck, ch-charlie… i’m gonna… i’m… nnnnnnn…. CHARLIEEEEEEEEEE!!!”  
Him yelling your name did it for you, your eyes rolling back in your head as you came HARD, your dick spurting jet after jet of hot cum inside him. You sighed as you pulled out, smiling at the worn-out skeleton. He looked ready to nap.   
Actually…   
Yup.   
Sans was asleep.   
You smiled softly at the sleeping skeleton. After a moment, you strode into the living room to pull your shorts back on and heard a hesitant knock at the door. 

Oh, yeah… 

The door…

Sighing, you crossed the room and unlatched the locks, carefully pulling the door open, ready to swing if need be. In the hallway stood a very short, nervous looking man, maybe mid-50’s. He looked everywhere but at your face for a few moments, then cleared his throat.  
“Eh, sorry, guess I got the wrong apartment. Had a noise complaint. Thought those damned skeletons lived here.”  
You grinned like a Cheshire Cat and leaned against the doorframe.  
“Oh, they do.”

He fidgeted with his jacket a moment, caught off guard, then looked up at you.  
“S-sounded like a damned porno or something. You guys in there watchin movies or some-at? Could hear every damned word from down the hall.”

As he talked, you could feel your grin growing larger and larger.  
“Every word, you say? Must have been quite loud.”

He nodded, seemingly relieved at your smile and calm demeanor.  
“Yes! It g-got a bit steamy t-towards the end… The whole “Charlie” bit and all.”

You felt that if your grin got any bigger, it might break your face.  
“Oh, my… You don’t say. Well, I will certainly pass this along to my skeletal companion when he wakes up.”

He smiled up at you and extended a hand.   
“Oh! Well, thank you. I’d appreciate it. I’m the neighbor, Mr. Joneson.”

You took it and shook, maintaining eye contact, your grin really starting to hurt your face now.  
“Nice to meet you, Mr. Joneson.”

“I’m Charlie.”


	4. New Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is no fricking of skeletons...

Chapter 4

 

“you didn’t…”

“Yup.”

“fuck… tell me you didn’t.”

“Totally fuckin’ did, man.”

“oh, god, nooooo…..”

Sans was currently groaning in embarrassment, face-down on his mattress, halfway through getting dressed to go pick up his brother from work. You had just told him about your meeting with the not-quite-next-door neighbor. You chuckle to yourself as you scroll through the Undernet on your phone. Heh, look at that… a cool looking husky monster rocking a spike-collar sent you a friend request. 

“Yo, you know a ‘Doggo Dog’? He just sent me a friend request.”

Sans sits up and eyes you curiously.  
“friend request? on what?”

You roll your eyes at him and plop down on the mattress.  
“Undernet, of course. Where else? _MyFace_? No one uses that shit anymore.” 

He leans to look over your shoulder at your phone. Doggo was smiling and winking at the camera.  
“didn’t know humans were on the undernet. but, yeah. he’s cool. can’t see non-moving things though.”

He stands and finishes dressing while you accept the request and send Doggo a quick hello, deciding on a moving .gif instead of the normal text. Sans plops back down to lean over your shoulder again to see your screen.  
“how many monster friends you got on there anyway?”

Chuckling, you turn to peck him on the cheek.   
“Why, jealous? Heh, just kidding. Um… Forty-seven. Why?”

Sans stares at you.  
“ _forty-seven_? didn’t know you were so popular in the monster community.”

You shift a little and grin.  
“Well, after we have our talk, you’ll understand why. Papyrus is off work now, isn’t he?”

Sans looks at the clock on the wall and lets out a curse.  
“he got off three minutes ago. hold on.”

And like that, he’s gone. You lay back on the old mattress with a sigh and turn off your screen. Two more monsters... You were going to have to come up with a decent agreement for these two, since you were BONEing one of them. Too bad you couldn’t have both… Papyrus was kinda cute. Heh. Oh, well.

“SANS’S HUMAN? ARE YOU STILL HERE?”

You sit up and stroll to the living room. Sans and Papyrus are standing next to the lumpy couch, the taller looking a little nervous. You wave and give a casual smile.  
“Sup?”

He glances at the floor for a moment, wringing his hands.   
“UM, HUMAN. SANS HAS INFORMED ME THAT YOU… HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT YOU WISH TO… DISCUSS WITH US… AS SOON AS POSSIBLE?”

Sans just looks up at you, his hands in his pockets. You stretch, back popping a few times, making Sans wince.   
“Sure do. Why don’t you guys have a seat on the couch and let me tell you what I got to offer?”

Sans seems a little nervous now, but they both shuffle around and plop down on the couch, looking up at you warily as you sit on the coffee table in front of them. You tent your fingers and put your index fingers to your lips, gathering your words for a moment. The brothers look at each other, then back to you.

“So. You two know how shpoopy it is for monsters on the surface, right? All the darned violence and flarping criminals, the squirrelin housing and low-apple paying jobs…”

Papyrus nods, looking a little confused at your choice of words, Sans trying hard to stay serious, knowing that you’re taking advantage of his magic to lighten the mood.

“Well, what if I told you guys that you could have a decent-abs apartment, complete with cable, low rent, monster neighbors, and a sweet-ascot view, complete with playground for the little ones?”

Sans stares at you in disbelief while his brother rubs his chin thoughtfully.  
“WELL, HUMAN, WHILE ASCOTS ARE NICE, AND THE ONE YOU HAVE MAY INDEED BE “SWEET,” I THINK I WILL STICK WITH MY SCARF, THANK YOU. AS FOR THIS APARTMENT THAT YOU HAVE DESCRIBED, I CAN ONLY WONDER IF SUCH A PLACE DOES IN FACT EXIST ON THE SURFACE.”

“ya, man… i’m sure there are places like that… somewhere, but not anywhere in this city. i’ve looked. ya gotta be pullin our legs…”

You wink at them, grin stretching across your face.  
“That’s because you didn’t have the right connections.”

A sweat droplet forms on Sans’s skull. He shifts his gaze to his brother and then back to you.  
“we, uh… we aren’t interested in anything… illegal, buddy…”

You bark out a laugh at his assumption. Like you would be affiliated with the Mafia or some such group. He chuckles nervously.  
“No, just… no. Nothing like that. Look...”  
You lean forward, looking him in the eye.  
“Rent is $500 a month. Two bedroom. Full kitchen with sink, dishwasher, and fire-proof stove. Living room with couch included. What do you guys think?”

Papyrus is staring at you with literal stars in his eyes. So forging cute, descant!   
“A F-FIRE-PROOF STOVE?? SANS! SANS! WHEN CAN WE MOVE IN??”

Sans just stares at you, a hard, skeptical look on his face.   
“buddy… i really hope you aren’t just messing with us. something like that… i mean, what we’re paying now… for this…”  
He gestures around at the room.  
“it sounds too good to be true. what’s the catch?”

You smile evilly at him, making him sweat even more.  
“Ah, the catch. Well, you see… The catch is… you have to leave most of your stuff here. You have to disappear. Basically, anyway. This is a big city and it’s on the other side, thankfully. It would be a lot harder if you actually lived nearby.”

Sans looks confused. You sigh.  
“We don’t want anyone looking for you. This place is a refuge for monsters that have been at-….”  
You pause, glancing at Papyrus.  
“Monsters that have… met… hmm… unfriendly humans…”

Sans face lights up with understanding, his tight grimace relaxing into his normal grin. He leans back against the couch and sighs with relief.  
“so, this place is monsters-only? what about jobs?”

“Monster-friendly businesses all around the area. Low crime-rate. I know some people. Pulled a few strings, called in a few favors. So, are you guys in or are you in? Cuz you can move in tonight if you want.”

Sans puts a hand to his head and laughs, a light-hearted, almost giddy sound. Papyrus grabs your hand and shakes it excitedly.

“OH, THANK YOU HUMAN! WE DEFINITELY WANT TO MOVE IN IMMEDIATELY!”

\---

You groan in annoyance at the small skeleton sitting across from you. A small stack of papers waiting to be filled out and signed lay on the desk between you. 

“Sans. You have to tell me, or I can’t let you guys stay! It’s as simple as that!”

He grumbles and crosses his arms, leaning back in his chair.  
“don’t see why you gotta put it on paper for some random human to see…”

You close your eyes and rub at your temples, exasperated.  
“Sans. I need to know what powers you and your brother have. No one else but me is going to see these documents. I keep them locked away in a separate location that NOBODY knows about but me.”

“why?”

A frustrated growl escapes your lips and you open your eyes to glare at him. Sweat is beading on his skull and he looks nervous. It reminds you of the first time he laid eyes on you. You take a deep breath to calm down.  
“I’m in charge of safety planning. I have to know what abilities all of the monsters have so that I can come up with the best possible plan in case of an emergency. Like if ‘someone’ can teleport, they would be able to get another monster away from a dangerous situation pretty quick. Understand?”

He looks away, obviously thinking. You take the moment to open a drawer and rifle around, searching for… Ah, there it is. Mini-fuckin-bottle of vodka. The crack of the lid being opened catches Sans’s attention and he looks up at you as you empty it into your mouth. You drop the empty container into the trash can next to the desk and breath out in relief. That ought to keep you going until you can get home. You realize that he’s staring at you.  
“Well? What’s it going to be?”

“um… i’m pretty sure… you aren’t supposed to be drinking on the job…?”

You scoff and tidy the stack of papers.  
“I’ll do what the fuck I please, thank you. Now hurry up so that we can get you guys moved in and shit. I’d like to get home before next week.”

He sighs and leans forward, resting his elbows on the desk, covering his face with his hands for the moment it takes to sigh again. This guy sure sighs a lot. He eventually lets his hands fall to either side of the stack and looks up at you, defeated.  
“okay, okay… you already know i can teleport, and conjure body parts…”

\---

The door swings inwards silently.   
“Welcome to your new home, guys! Now get the flop in there cuz this stuffs heavy as beans.”

Sans and Papyrus hurry into the apartment at your words, you following closely behind with a large box. Each of the skeletons has their own large box, but it seems like the weight doesn’t affect them at all. Sans sets his down in the middle of the floor and looks around in amazement. The walls are a blue-white, the carpet underfoot, plush and charcoal grey. A soft, black corduroy couch sits across from a fairly new 40 inch tv that’s bolted to the wall. Blue-grey curtains frame a large window that allowed the room to be bathed in sunlight.

“S-SANS.”

He hurries to the kitchen where his brother stands, tears pooling in his eye sockets, hands covering his mouth. The kitchen is twice as big as the one they had Underground, with dark grey countertops and charcoal cabinets running the length of two walls. A double sink sits next to a dishwasher with a large black stove on the other side. The top seems to be made of glass, with circles etched into it to indicate where the cooking surface is. A black refrigerator had been placed at the end of the counter, next to a trash can, and a kitchen table with four chairs stands in the center of the room. The walls in here are white as well, the floor being a light bluish-grey tile.  
Papyrus gently strokes the cooktop lovingly.  
“IT… IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL HERE, SANS. IS THIS A DREAM?”

You chuckle, breaking the skeletons out of their trance. They turn to see you leaning against the door frame to the kitchen.  
“You guys still haven’t seen the bedrooms! Come on.”  
Grabbing Sans’s sleeve, you quickly lead them to the two bedrooms, across from each other. Standing in the center of the hallway, you reach out with both hands and push open the doors at the same time.  
“I have a feeling you’ll both a-DOOR them,” you say with a wink. Papyrus starts to let out a groan, but it’s quickly cut off when he sees the warm beige carpet and soft pastel walls of the larger room. It has a large walk-in closet and a computer desk against the far wall. A twin mattress and box spring lie against the wall closest. You shrug at the tall skeleton.  
“I’m sorry there’s no bed frame for the bed. It was all we had at the moment.” 

If he’s at all upset by this, he doesn’t show it, instead, scooping you up into a bone-crushing hug and positively squealing with joy.  
“HUMAN FRIEND OF SANS, THIS PLACE IS WONDERFUL! I THINK IT MAY BE EVEN BETTER THAN THE HOUSE WE LIVED IN IN SNOWDIN.”

You smile and turn to Sans, only to find that he has gone. Wandering across the hall to the other room, you find him staring at the identical mattress set, sitting on the floor. This room has pale blue walls and a navy-blue carpet. A smaller closet is carved out of the side wall, opposite the bed. You walk in and sit on the edge of the mattress.   
“So, what do you think? Not bad, huh?”

You wait for a reply, but are met with silence. Finally, you turn to look at the little skeleton- only to be jolted to your feet at the sight before you. Tears are pooling in his sockets and running down his face, dripping silently to the carpet. He looks around at the room in disbelief, his mouth slightly ajar. You think he looks so…. small in this moment. You shuffle uncomfortably for a good minute before sliding over to pat his shoulder awkwardly.  
“Heeeeeey, yooooooooou… um… It’s gonna be okay… and stuff… Shoot, dude, don’t frickin cry, man…”

You let out an “OOF” of surprise as he suddenly turns and hugs you tightly, burying his face in your shirt. You hesitantly pat his back.

“thank you. thank you. you have no idea… how much… just… thank you…”

You just smile and rest your hand on top of his skull, enjoying the moment.

Hell.  
Fucking.  
Yeah.

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing smut, second time writing an Undertale AU.  
> Comments and critiques are greatly appreciated and cherished.  
> And art.  
> Also...emails are fun. I like emails.
> 
> rufftherian@gmail.com
> 
> Fuck, I'ma burn for this....
> 
> Enjoy.


End file.
